What Pride Means to Me as a Heterosexual White Woman!
The take everyone has been waiting for.
As pride month (finally) comes to a close, I find myself reminiscing on what it means for ME, a cis, heterosexual, white woman. My bank account, liver, hot tub cleaner and Instagram followers are finally able to breathe a sigh of relief at the rapid approach of July. This pride, I want to talk about the trans community, specifically trans women. Many women I see in the media who look like me (blonde, white) have very staunch opinions on pride month, and by staunch opinions I mean overtly transphobic, homophobic and generally racist takes. I see these women on Twitter, I see their posts shared on Facebook, I see them when I hate-watch FOX news. Their voices are loud, their reach is large and their brains are smooth. My reach is minimal, but I’m going to be louder when I tell them to shut the fuck up when it comes to trans people.
Riley Gaines, an Olympic Gold Medalist former collegiate level swimmer who got fifth place, has been especially loud and annoying when it comes to trans women. For those unfamiliar with her, she looks like she paints her face with half a bottle of Maybelline mousse foundation and spends her days using transphobia to get clicks. Riley tied for fifth place with Lia Thomas, a trans woman, at a swim meet, and will never let us forget it. She has since dedicated her life to grifting to conservatives in the name of “women's fairness in sports.” She recently got into an argument with Simone Biles, and even went so far to say that if Simone Biles competed against men, she would lose. Which, I’m sorry, is just such bullshit. There’s a reason they call her the greatest of all time. I would love to see literally anyone else do what she does. Like are you joking? She does triple backflips out of thin air.
Admittedly, I am not an athlete, I cannot speak to what it means to be one and compete in those events. For most young people, sports are a way to build community, meet new people, get outside and stay active. Call me a radical, but I believe all children deserve a safe place to experience that. Again, I’m not an athlete, I do not know what it feels like to win a medal or place in an event. What I do know is this: bullying trans people just for existing- just for playing a game- is unkind. Building your platform around banning trans athletes from what should be a welcoming, supportive space is wrong and unjust. There are fewer than 10 trans athletes currently competing at the collegiate level, yet the noise from the anti-trans crowd would make you think it’s some kind of epidemic. Maybe the issue is more complicated than I understand, but I feel strongly that the way conservative grifters like Riley Gaines are handling it is needlessly cruel. Instead of targeting a vulnerable group, we should be having real conversations; working toward actual solutions. Only 6% of high school athletes even make it to college sports, and fewer than 2% of those athletes go on to play professionally. Let’s not pretend this is about protecting the integrity of competition, and call it what it is: using trans people to fuel the fire, get clicks, and make money through hate.
The next hot button issue right wing commentators love to talk about is surrounding healthcare for trans youth. To nobody’s surprise- they fearmonger and stir up hate in the name of protecting children. So let’s talk about gender affirming care for children with facts from leading institutions like Harvard and UCLA. First of all, there is little to no use of gender-affirming surgeries among minors in the U.S, so the “butchering of children,” is a non-issue altogether. As of 2019, no gender-affirming surgeries were performed on children under 13. The care that is offered to minors is supported by nearly every major medical association in the country. On the flip side, denying this crucial care has serious, fatal consequences. Beyond the social stigma and harassment trans women face, they have a suicide rate nearly seven times higher than the general population. That is the public health issue we should focus on.
I am so blessed to be surrounded by transwomen, and will do everything in my power to protect them. One friend of mine began her transition at age 6, and is vocal that her care saved her life. Her parents took her to countless doctors and hospitals until they came with a diagnosis and began gender affirming care. It’s unbelievable to me that hoards of people will jump on and assume they know better than um… medical professionals? Like.. girl… Shut the hell up. The same people who want to prevent children from getting gender affirming care simultaneously do not vaccinate their children. Like babe! You're worrying about the wrong shots!
I recently listened to a podcast from the New York Times about the first person who received gender affirming care as a child, and how it changed their life. They spoke candidly about how this healthcare allowed them to live a happy, healthy life. I implore anyone who “disagrees with the lifestyle,” to go and listen to actual trans people’s stories. Unless you engage in a healthy dialogue with these people, you cannot speak for them. And miss me with that “thEY’lL reGRet IT” nonsense, because the data says otherwise. A Danish national study found a regret rate of just 0.06%, which, by the way, is far lower than the 20% regret rate for knee replacement surgeries. Only 8% of trans adults detransition, and more than half of those did so temporarily, mostly due to societal pressure, not because they stopped identifying as trans. Yes, there are detransitioners like Chloe Cole, who are heavily platformed by the right to paint trans healthcare as dangerous. But they are the exception- not the rule. I also have a hard time with christians who use Jesus’ name to exclude trans people. The Jesus I know is kind, loving and dined with those exiled and marginalized. Be like Jesus, reach out. Extend a spot at the table. If you truly in your heart believe what they are doing is wrong, ask yourself what Jesus would do it would be BREAK BREAD AND WASH FEET. Not exile them.
I’d like to believe that people are generally well-meaning, and that most who oppose the trans community do so because they’ve never met a trans person- they have preconceived notions and stick with them because they don’t know any different. At one point, there was a time when I was unsure of trans women. It wasn't fear, but rather ignorance. As a woman in my early twenties, born and raised female, and shaped by the everyday misogyny and harassment that comes with it, I questioned how someone assigned male at birth could fully understand or relate to that experience of womanhood. As a woman, your worth is determined by your looks, and your looks are dictated by your youth. You’re sexualized before your first period- its not easy or fun to navigate. Being a woman is hard. But being a trans woman? That’s even harder. You’re not only facing misogyny, but also transphobia. It took listening, learning, and unlearning, but I now know that trans women don’t threaten womanhood; they expand it. I reject the idea that womanhood is defined by the ability to have children. Are women who can’t conceive somehow less than? Of course not. And yet, there are feminists, TERFs, who want to exclude trans people from the movement. But the point of feminism is to find equal footing, regardless of gender. To exclude an entire community under the guise of feminism is hypocritical and harmful. It will only set us back further.
I’ve shared bathrooms with trans women; so have you, whether you realize it or not. Trans people are not a threat. Trans children need love and support. As I watch Supreme Court rulings come down that restrict access to life-saving care, I feel compelled to speak up; to use my voice, as a cis, heterosexual woman, to say that I wholeheartedly support trans people. There are conservatives who pander to their base by asking, “What is a woman?” when we know what a woman is. Reducing people to what’s between their legs upholds a rigid, harmful system that erases anyone who doesn’t conform- including intersex people. So let's call what these bullshit laws and rulings are for what they are: discrimination. Trans people have been around for all of history, to try and erase them now is dangerous. We should build a better world for all, so let’s focus on building a longer table, not a taller fence. It's so typical to stoke a culture war and pit us against the most vulnerable to score political points. But we can choose differently. Let’s choose compassion over fear; and create a world where everyone has a place at the table.